Nights Of Fire
by hydref05
Summary: A small fire at Camp David finally forces Josh and Leo to discuss the one thing they've always tried to avoid.
1. Part I

**Nights Of Fire**  
A small fire at Camp David finally forces Josh and Leo to discuss the one thing they've always tried to avoid. -- Mainly Josh and Leo  
Disclaimer: The West Wing characters don't belong to me, I just like to play with them and fill in some back stories from time to time.

* * *

**Part I**

**Monday Night - August 2002**

Toby reached out with his left hand andtried to turn his alarm off, but couldn't find it. It took him a few seconds to remember that he wasn't at home, he was a Camp David. He was about to yell at Josh to turn the noise off, when he smelt smoke. "Shit," he muttered as he realized the noise was actually the fire alarm. "Josh," he shouted as he climbed out of bed.

Josh could smell the smoke and he could hear the sirens. He could feel the hands on his shoulders, stopping him returning to the house and as much as he fought to break free, he couldn't. Someone was calling his name, was shaking him, he didn't want to leave, he had to find her, but the shaking was getting more insistent. He slowly opened his eyes and tried to shake off the nightmare. As Toby's face came into focus, Josh realized that the smell of smoke was real and it wasn't sirens he could hear, it was a fire alarm.

"Come on," Toby was telling him. "I don't know where it's coming from, but there's smoke..."

"Yeah, I can see. Ed and Larry?" Josh asked as he climbed out of bed, stuffed his feet into his sneakers, grabbed his backpack and followed Toby out of the cabin.

They met Ed and Larry outside. Looking around, they could see the fire was in the roof of the building. Camp David staff were evacuating the nearby cabins, while the Secret Service were securing the president and Leo. Josh, Toby, Ed and Larry were led, coughing, into the mess. Someone handed them drinks of water and told them a doctor was coming. They were surrounded by concerned faces.

"Josh," Donna pushed her way through. "You okay?"

"Yeah," Josh nodded and started coughing.

"Toby?" CJ was asking.

"Fine," Toby muttered.

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Leo and Jed had been finishing a game of chess when Ron Butterfield and several other agents had entered the room. Ron had told them about the fire and that Camp David had been crashed. Ten minutes later, Leo had had enough of waiting, but Ron was still refusing to let him leave.

"But they're all alright?" Leo asked.

"Yes, they're fine," Ron confirmed.

"Stop pacing," Jed told Leo. "They're fine. You know they won't let us leave until the crash is lifted."

"Yeah, sorry."

"What's wrong?"

Leo sat down. "Nothing, it's... nothing."

"Leo?"

"Josh and fire," Leo sighed.

"His sister?" Jed remembered.

Leo nodded.

"Donna'll look after him," Jed assured Leo.

"I know, call it irrational but I just want to see he's okay for myself."

"As soon as the Secret Service give the all clear." Jed gave Leo a concerned look. "What's wrong?" he asked again.

"I was there when his sister died."

"You can go now," Ron told them and Leo left the cabin before Jed could question him further.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

When Leo reached the mess; Josh, Toby, Ed and Larry had been given the all clear by the medics and Josh was sitting outside with Donna. "Hey, you okay?" Leo asked.

"Yeah," Josh nodded.

"He managed to save his backpack," Donna smiled. "I'm going to check on the others," she said and left them alone.

"She's nagging me to call my mom, I keep telling her it's the middle of the night."

Leo sat down. "You don't want her hearing it on the morning news."

"No, but I don't want her waking at 3 in the morning and then worrying all night. Do they know what happened?" Josh asked.

"Not yet. Seems to have started in the roof though."

"Well, that's a little weird," Josh said.

"Where you sleeping now?"

"Sleep?" Josh asked, "I wouldn't have thought anyone will be getting much of that tonight."

"Tomorrow night then."

"Sam's cabin."

The two men sat quietly looking out at the woods. "It's nice here," Josh suddenly announced.

"You've only just noticed?" Leo asked.

"Never really had time to look before. I am okay," he said. "And I'm pretty sure you, Donna and Sam will be keeping a close eye on me for the next few days."

"You can count on it," Leo agreed.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

_Flashback - **October 1970**_

Leo turned into Noah's street, just as it was starting to get dark. He was only there on the off chance that Noah was in. He hadn't seen his friend for a few weeks and it would be nice to catch up over a drink or two. As he pulled up outside the house, he was surprised to see Noah's eight year old son running out of the front door and across the grass in his pajamas.

"Josh," Leo called as he climbed out of the car. "What are you doing?"

Josh was coughing and pointing back at the house. When Leo looked he saw Jack Calvert, Noah's neighbor, and his two sons running from the side yard.

"Joshua, thank God," Jack said. "We couldn't get in the backdoor." He looked back towards the house. "Where's Joanie?"

"In there," Josh replied in between coughs. "She's in there." He started to go back to the house, but Leo grabbed him.

"Keep him here," Jack instructed. The neighbors tried to enter the house the way Josh had left, but when the front windows smashed and fire leapt through, Jack and his sons were forced to retreat.

Josh meanwhile was struggling with all his strength to break free of Leo's grip. He was kicking Leo and screaming his sister's name. Leo pulled Josh into his arms and tried to make him look away from the house, but the little boy continued to struggle and to scan the burning building for his sister.

"Josh, no," Leo said. "Come away."

"Let me go," Josh shouted. "I have to get her, she was behind me. Let me go!"

No matter how hard Josh kicked and struggled, Leo didn't loosen his grip. He stared in horror at the flames, that were now licking the outside of the ground floor and starting on the upstairs, and he tried not to think that Noah's 14 year old daughter was trapped inside.

Jack had now come back over to them. "Joshua," he crouched down to the youngster's height. "You can't get in there. Come to our house."

"No!" Josh shouted. "I want Joanie!" With one final struggle he broke free from Leo, but luckily he wasn't quick enough. Leo and Jack both grabbed hold of him and forced him to the neighboring house, as the sound of sirens in the distance signaled the arrival of the fire department.

_End Flashback_

Part 2 -->


	2. Part II

**Nights Of Fire**  
A small fire at Camp David finally forces Josh and Leo to discuss the one thing they've always tried to avoid. -- Mainly Josh and Leo  
Disclaimer: The West Wing characters don't belong to me, I just like to play with them and fill in some back stories from time to time.

* * *

**Part II**

**Tuesday Night - August 2002**

Leo couldn't sleep, the night was too warm and the air still held a faint smell of smoke, so he got dressed and went for a walk. Seeing lights on the Laurel Lodge, he decided to see who else was awake at 3 in the morning. He wasn't too surprised to find Josh lying across one of the sofas reading a report.

"What are you doing?" Leo asked.

Josh glanced across at Leo. "Reading."

"Yeah, I can see that," Leo sighed. "It's 3am, Josh."

"You're up," Josh pointed out as he sat up.

Leo couldn't really argue with that. He poured two coffees, handed one to Josh and sat down. "You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"Josh!"

"Honestly."

"Bad dream?" Leo asked.

"Didn't I just say I was fine?" Josh replied a little more sharply than he had intended.

"You did," Leo agreed. "Yet, you're sitting reading an agriculture report at 3 in the morning."

Josh put the report down and ran his hands through his hair. "Yeah."

Leo waited for Josh to continue, when he didn't he asked, "Someone playing loud music?"

"What?"

"Well something's keeping you awake."

"Fear of sleeping is what's keeping me awake," Josh replied.

"You want to talk about it?"

"Not really."

"So you're gonna stay awake for... how long?"

Josh shrugged. "'Til I get home. I'm not scared of the nightmares, Leo, I just don't want the others to know I have them."

"We're here for another 3 days, you're gonna collapse of exhaustion. Go to sleep and forget who knows you have nightmares. Everyone has them sometimes. Go," Leo instructed.

Josh started to put his papers into his backpack but stopped and looked across at Leo. "And _you're_ walking around at 3am because?"

"I'm old," Leo smiled, "we don't sleep."

"Maybe you should try, before you collapse from exhaustion as well."

"Probably," Leo agreed. "Go and sleep."

"Only if you do."

"Josh!" Leo sighed.

"I know why you're stalking round in the middle night," Josh told him.

"You do?"

"Same reason I am." Josh replied. "You can talk to me you know."

Leo shook his head. Josh was the last person he would have ever considered discussing this with. It was a bond they shared that neither of them had ever talked to the other about.

"I'm not a kid anymore," Josh said. "Maybe it'd help both of us."

"Or maybe it'd make things worse."

"Maybe," Josh agreed. "But we've tried not talking about it for over 30 years and that hasn't helped."

"Josh, I don't..." Leo began but Josh ignored him.

"You couldn't have done anything," Josh said. "Believe me, I've relived that night thousands of times. If anyone had gone into the house, they wouldn't have stood a chance."

"I know," Leo quietly agreed. "Doesn't make any difference though."

"Yet you kept telling me there was nothing I could do."

"You were eight, Josh, I was an adult."

"And that made you immune to fire?" Josh asked. "You stopped me going back. You saved my life." He took a steadying breath and then stood up, picked up his backpack and went to leave. As he passed Leo he squeezed the older man's shoulder. "Go and sleep."

Leo sighed, leaned back in the seat and stared up at the ceiling. Jed's voice made him jump. "That's good advice, Leo. Go and sleep."

"Why is everyone awake in the middle of the night?" Leo asked.

Jed shrugged and sat down. "I wasn't eavesdropping," he began, "I was just on my way in here."

"Okay," Leo cautiously replied.

"When you said you were there, I didn't think you were actually at the fire."

"Yeah," Leo nodded. "I'd just parked outside as Josh came running across the lawn."

"You stopped him going back into the building?"

Leo nodded. "The neighbors tried to get in but... the fire was so intense, I've never seen anything like it. I didn't try though, I froze," he admitted. "I held Josh and I couldn't move."

"What could you have done?"

"Tried."

"If you'd let go of Josh, he'd have run back inside."

"Possibly," Leo agreed. "He wouldn't talk to me for months after. Wouldn't even look at me."

"What changed?"

"Noah figured it out, talked to him." Leo smiled slightly. "Turns out he thought he was upsetting me. Little bugger was trying to protect me."

"Some things never change," Jed smiled. "He is right though, you probably saved his life."

"And if I'd got there five minutes earlier?" Leo asked.

"But you didn't, you can't change that and whatever the reason you didn't, it still isn't your fault."

"I know," Leo replied. He saw the doubt on Jed's face. "I do know. But last night, it bought it all back."

"For Josh as well?"

"I would imagine."

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_Flashback - **February 1971** _

When Noah and Leo entered the room, Noah saw his son quickly leave, trying his very best not to look at his father's friend. Leo noticed too and felt a twinge of remorse as he watched the young boy skulk away.

"I don't know why he does that," Noah tried to apologize.

"I'm not his favorite person, don't worry about it," Leo told him.

"Why?"

Leo wondered how to answer that, without causing Noah more pain than he was already dealing with. "I remind him of the fire I guess."

Later that evening, Noah went to talk to his son. After much thought he'd reached a difficult decision. Leo was his friend, but if him coming to the house upset Josh, then he'd have to ask him to stay away, for a while at least. He found Josh watching television in the den.

"I thought you were doing chores for your mom?"

Josh looked guilty for a second but quickly recovered. "We're doing the Old West at school."

Noah was doubtful that they were actually studying The High Chaparral, but it let it pass. "I wanted to talk to you about Leo. Do you want him to stop coming by?"

"Why?"

"Because you get upset whenever you see him."

"I don't," Josh protested.

"You do," Noah argued. "When he walks into a room, you walk out."

Josh hung his head and studied his hands. "I don't mind him being here."

"He thinks you don't like him."

"I do," Josh protested. "He's your friend, he makes me laugh."

"Not recently he doesn't."

"Sorry. I do like him. I... he was..." Josh struggled to find the words to explain.

"He was there at the fire," Noah finished quietly. "He reminds you of what happened."

"Yeah."

"So would it be better if he didn't come round anymore?"

"No!" Josh replied. He chewed his lip while he thought about what to say, how to make his father understand. "He looks sad when he looks at me," he continued in quietly. "I don't want him to be sad."

Noah studied his nine year old son and wondered whether he'd understood; Josh was avoiding Leo not because Leo upset him, but because he thought he was upsetting Leo. "So if you both stop looking sad when you see each other, it'll be alright?" he asked.

"Yeah, I guess. I can try."

"Shall I ask him to try as well?"

Josh nodded. "He doesn't talk about flying anymore, he used to tell me stories about flying."

"Well next time you see him, ask him to tell you. And, Josh, it's okay to be sad you know."

_End Flashback_

Part 3 -->


	3. Part III

**Nights Of Fire**  
A small fire at Camp David finally forces Josh and Leo to discuss the one thing they've always tried to avoid. -- Mainly Josh and Leo  
Disclaimer: The West Wing characters don't belong to me, I just like to play with them and fill in some back stories from time to time.

* * *

**Part III**

**Wednesday Night - August 2002 **

"People are going to talk if we keep doing this," Josh commented when he entered the Laurel Lodge and found Leo already sitting reading, with the television turned down low. "Coffee?" he asked.

Leo checked his cup and found it empty. "Please. So what are you doing here?"

"Got stuff to read. You?"

"Same."

Josh handed Leo a coffee. "What I don't understand is why you're doing it here. It's not like you share a cabin, you're not gonna wake anyone."

"Needed some fresh air," Leo replied. "You didn't bring anything with you," he pointed out Josh's lack of a backpack or files.

Josh shrugged and sat down. "I couldn't sleep. What you reading?"

"Proposed amendments to the highways bill."

"Well if that doesn't help you sleep nothing will." Josh stared into his coffee and Leo watched him curiously.

"You okay?" Leo asked.

Josh nodded and then looked across at Leo. "You know what was the most frightening thing on Monday night?" he said. "The fire alarm didn't wake me up. I could smell smoke and I could hear sirens, but I thought they were part of my dream. If Toby hadn't woken me, I'd have slept through it."

Leo didn't know what to say to that. The thought horrified him. He knew Josh had nightmares about the fire, who wouldn't? He hadn't realized they were that real though, or that they could be that dangerous.

"My dad told me that nightmares couldn't hurt you," Josh continued. "Seems he may have been wrong."

"You'd have woken," Leo replied and prayed it was true.

Josh hadn't meant to scare Leo, he'd just needed to tell someone. "Yeah, I know," he agreed. "Can I ask you something? About that evening?"

Leo nodded. "Of course you can."

"I don't know whether what I remember, whether it's real..." Josh hesitated. "I'm not good at this, I'm not used to talking about it," he admitted.

"I know." Leo was well aware that Josh hardly ever told people, even his closest friends, how had sister had died. He knew he'd rarely talked to his parents about that evening. "What do you remember?" he asked.

Josh stared at his hands and wondered how to begin, or even if he wanted to. As the silence dragged he could feel Leo watching him and suddenly knew he that he couldn't do this.

"Josh," Leo broke the silence. "You don't have to tell me what happened in the house, I know you can't do that. Just tell me what you want me to clear up for you."

Josh swallowed hard before speaking. "When I see the house, I don't know if I'm... I remember, I think... the flames they were, were they everywhere. I mean did it really go up that quickly?"

Leo nodded. "Yeah it did. I don't know how. I never imagined a building could burn that fast. When I turned into the street and saw you, I couldn't tell what you were running from at first. Then, there was a, I don't know..."

"Rushing noise," Josh supplied, "and a roar?"

"Yeah," Leo agreed quietly. Josh wasn't the only one not used to discussing this. "Suddenly it was like the whole house was consumed," he said without thinking. As soon as the words were out of his mouth he knew he shouldn't have said that.

Josh tried to steady his breathing. He needed to be outside, away from everything, he needed to be alone, he could feel the panic coming, wave after wave, and he knew he had to fight it, to push it down, but it was hitting him and he couldn't move.

"Josh?" Leo spoke softly. He moved round the coffee table and sat next to Josh. "Josh, look at me. Look at me," he said with more force.

Josh raised his head and tried to focus on Leo. He'd known this was coming for two nights. Now he could hear sirens, but not from Rosslyn. This time there were no gunshots, there was only the smell of smoke.

"Josh," Leo was saying. "You're going to be okay. You're safe, everyone's safe."

Josh clenched his jaw and tried to fight the tears as the episode slowly passed. "I'm okay," he whispered.

"I'm sorry."

"No, I knew this was coming," Josh replied, his voice still no more than a whisper. "That's why... I had to get out of the cabin. It's why I came here."

The two men sat quietly for a few minutes; Josh slowly starting to feel normal again and Leo wondering if there was anything he should be doing.

After a while Josh spoke. "It isn't normally like this. I have a nightmare, I wake up and that's it. But since Monday," he shook his head. "It's almost... it's like a PTSD episode," he admitted.

"Which is probably what it is," Leo responded. "It's why you should talk to Stanley Keyworth."

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**Thursday Afternoon - August 2002 **

Leo and Josh left the president's cabin and walked to Lauren for some lunch. "You feeling alright?" Leo asked.

"You asked me that at breakfast."

"Yes, but that was five hours ago, now I'm asking again."

"I feel fine, hungry and a little tired, but fine."

"Okay, but I'm going to keep asking you."

"Just as I thought we'd stopped doing that."

"Then make the call and I'll stop bugging you."

"Not going to order me to do it?" Josh asked. "'Cause last time it was, 'talk to the guy or you're fired'," although he now realized that Leo had had no intention of firing him.

"Last time you were so close to the edge that one small move would have sent you over," Leo pointed out. "This isn't like then, I know you can handle it, but you're not okay."

"So keep asking me if I am is kinda pointless then," Josh replied.

Leo considered arguing, but instead he just sighed. "Apparently."

Josh hadn't been expecting that and he dropped his defenses a little. "I do feel better today, not okay," he admitted, "but better. When we get back to town I'll make an appointment with my counselor, but I don't need Stanley."

Leo nodded, "Good."

"What about you?" Josh asked. "You alright?"

"Yeah." Leo hadn't slept well for the last few nights and Josh's revelation about the fire alarm not waking him had really shook him up, but he wasn't about to share that with Josh.

Josh smiled knowingly, "So we're both fine then. You want to get some lunch before another afternoon of fun?"

"You don't find meeting the French President's aides fun?" Leo asked, taking Josh's cue and falling back into the old routine of banter.

"Not when half of them insist they don't speak English."

"Not long left," Leo smiled. "We're leaving this evening, you may even sleep tonight."

"You never know," Josh agreed as Toby caught up with them. "Toby's having fun too," Josh told Leo.

Toby shook his head. "I've had more fun at the dentist," he complained.

END


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